Thank you all for your insight. I think a few next steps are clear to me.
1. Seek some therapy/mental help. Something I've been lacking and psyched myself out in to thinking I don't deserve it.
2. See if there are any legal avenues/help I can get on contingency, (I am pretty broke at the moment)
3. Maybe just own the situation and try to exude confidence, as hard as that can be.
4. Worst comes to worst, change my name and just try to do contracting work for awhile.
This has been the worst ordeal of my life, and as helpful as this post has been, has just given me more anxiety about the situation at hand. But it's always the darkest before the dawn I suppose. I'm going to shut my laptop and try to meditate for a little bit.
Sounds like a terrible situation. Keep in mind most lawyers will give you a no-charge consultation. Even if they don't take the case, you might get some useful advice.
You will make it through this. Life is long. In a few years this trouble will be a distant memory. Right now, take care of yourself. Meditation is a great idea. Also, go for long walks. I like listening to audio books while taking walks. I recommend the Culture series, Rainbow's End, and the Ringworld series. Spend time with people who care about you. I hope you will have peace.
I think you may be right, and maybe I am psyching myself out. I've always been a very good interviewer/interviewee (even helping others out with a job search!) This has all been so much, I don't even feel like the same person I was before.
Borrow money from friends and family if you have to. Expensive lawyers can do a lot of things that ordinary people can't do. I would do thorough research on this to figure out who can do this type of work for you. I think it's the most likely to be successful and if I were in that situation, that's exactly what I would do.
It's also a reason why I gave my kids very, very generic boring names which would make it very hard to google them.
Thank you <3 I did go the police route as i mentioned in a previous comment, to no avail, but to be honest, I have less than a thousand dollars to my name at the time. I suspect the person that did this to me is not in the United States.
To onlookers it appears that I spent years a decade ago going on racist and sexist tirades. I would love just to own it and be honest, but the way things were set against me, it just looks like I'm making excuses for myself. The whole situation is FUBAR. Even the police weren't able to help
> To onlookers it appears that I spent years a decade ago going on racist and sexist tirades
You’re hinting that it appears that way, but wasn’t actually that way. So what’s your side of the story? Why is your history not what it seems?
I don’t know your details, but if there’s any truth to the accusations, then it might be worth considering owning it. Something like: A long time ago, I made a big mistake by ________, but I’ve learned from it and am committed to ________. Sure, some people won’t forgive you, but some might.
Again, I don’t know the details, but someone denying something is sometimes harder to believe than someone that owns it. But, if it’s all gaslighting is it too difficult to explain how it’s been “all set up against you”?
Some more details might be helpful if you’d like specific advice.
PR departments don't care about your story. If you are an untouchable because of a radioactive online presence that's an unnecessary reputational risk to the company for associating with you. Welcome to the new world order social credit system.
I almost guarantee that he had something to do with those racist/sexist comments. I find it unlikely that someone else would be controlling an account under his name publicly for YEARS without his knowledge.
Even if he himself didn't post the comments, he must have known that it was going on at the time and probably knows the person who did do it.
"I didn't do it - it was someone else under my name" is the equivalent of "the dog ate my homework". I definitely agree with you - there are key missing detail - conveniently so.
> I would love just to own it and be honest, but the way things were set against me, it just looks like I'm making excuses for myself.
It sounds like it worth a try to just own it though? from skimming the posts here if your truly considering changing your name, it doesn't seem like it would make things that much worse for you.
maybe some mental health/therapy stuff if you can get it. sounds traumatic, working with someone might help get things straightened out, less stress etc?
I certainly will, and I hope I can follow up with good news. This has been the worst experience of my life. A) Because people believe I did and said things that I've always opposed B) Because no one gives me enough of a chance to show that it wasn't me. Thanks for the message.
I am purposely being vague to avoid outing myself, but knowing the situation, and knowing what was attributed to me as being said, somehow this seems like it would just highlight a toxic situation and be an automatic red flag to employers. I wish I had the gumption to do this.
The approach I suggested has resulted in the hiring -- including at a place where I worked -- of people with criminal conduct. Which is probably worse than what you did.
Again, if potential employers are finding out about this, you're choosing to either let them find out while reading stuff on the internet, or with you saying "read the stuff on the internet, but first listen: this was 10 years ago, I did something stupid, I've changed, blah blah blah."
If they read it without that context, does a potential employer even know you disagree with what was said? Probably not.
I agree this could easily be something that spooks an employer that is weighing you against another decent candidate. But then again, it might not be much worse than what they find googling already.
How you tell the story might influence people. Have friends/family read whatever you write about it and give you feedback on how it comes across.
Thanks to all for the advice. I think contract work + changing my name is really the only way forward. I was naive in thinking I could get it all back somehow, and I have been too disillusioned to see the obvious through this whole ordeal.
> Next you'll have to explain why when your name is googled, nothing comes up.
If you were to Google my real name, nothing would come up that is related to me. Since the 90's I've been careful not to use my real name or images of me on the internet.
I said what I said due to experience, which I probably should have clarified. I, too, have almost no internet presence under my real name. It has come up in interviews. I didn't say it prevented me from obtaining employment, but it came up is all. In this day and age, it is an outlier to have no social media/internet presence, even though I'm sure "plenty" do (which is small relative compared to the working tech population at-large).
Or just make a new LinkedIn. Not everyone has a bunch of content published about them. Alternatively, choose a common name and get lost in a crowd of people with your name who are more famous than you.
Do you really need to know who this person is to sue? Maybe you should talk to a lawyer about it. Filing a complaint is usually the starting point if you want to open an investigation.
