I have a real lo-tech solution for that. I carry a bound memorandum book (field notes or the like) in my pocket and write down the everything I know about each kid. One kid per page.
Example:
Julian, blonde, in same class, 3rd and 4th grade
Sister: Kiera, two years younger, big hello kitty fan
Mother: Monica, red hair, glasses.
Dad: ??, looks like Ron Swanson.
I just fill in the blanks when I learn them. By the time I'm exchanging phone numbers, I usually have the names down.
Families move and friendships change, so I don't invest a lot of time memorizing details.
I would be slightly worried about walking around with a notebook containing the physical attributes of lots of young children. But then again I'm a single 39 year old man.
Really?? Why all the data recording? I'm not criticizing, I've just never paid that much attention to the families of my kid's friends. Get togethers just sort of naturally happen, and pertenent details of families of kids who my kid likes enough to hang out with a lot aren't that hard to remember.
I can't remember these people's names and I am definitely trying. Even worse is when I confidently use the wrong name when I'm talking to one of these parents. Conversation immediately ceases, it's so awkward that I mostly try not to use names at all.
There are some parents that I remember, I think because I see them often enough or they might be particularly unique looking (to me, anyway). There seems to be some mental bar that needs to be crossed before I can reliably recognize them, otherwise they all kind of blend together for me.
Some people (including myself) just really really struggle with names. I've found that people who don't struggle with names don't quite understand how it just doesn't click for other people.
I have to write down the name of everyone I meet in a day and review it before I go to bed in order to even have a chance.
Plus, I have a paralyzing fear of using the wrong name so I don't practice that often unless I'm completely confident.
This needs to be said enough. On the other hand, remembering poems in school wasn't considered "easy" either, so I wonder why people think memory should easy for names, nor why it's a judgment on them that my memory isn't great — I'm agonizing ten times over not remembering, I should be the one hurting lol (definitely am).
It's like numbers. I remember IP addresses and breadcrumbs better/longer than I should, and why is obvious (sysops, web dev, nerd?)
When you spend some time at the playground with your kids, you need to keep track. Otherwise you're telling your spouse "That lady with the shoulder length black hair said 'hi.'"
To be honest, I learned this tip when I worked at a large international organization, and I needed to familiarize myself with a large number of new people quickly.
I wish I did this. Your friends only tell you the name of their kids once. If they even remember without you prompting. And then time passes, you have interactions and it's too hard to ask: "hey remember your three year old daughter I've mailed christmas presents for...what's her name again?"
Why is it too hard to ask? That's just in your head. Especially if you're honest about being bad at names and make a little joke about it, 99 out of 100 people will just laugh and tell you the name.
Example: Julian, blonde, in same class, 3rd and 4th grade Sister: Kiera, two years younger, big hello kitty fan Mother: Monica, red hair, glasses. Dad: ??, looks like Ron Swanson.
I just fill in the blanks when I learn them. By the time I'm exchanging phone numbers, I usually have the names down.
Families move and friendships change, so I don't invest a lot of time memorizing details.