As a coder and geek I find it horrible that I'm not expected to treat women like an equal simply because I might have been "excluded from the company of women". The idea that techies somehow are entitled to women is sad and pitiful.
many young men feel like they're destined to go to the grave alone. they can't picture any chain of events that could lead to having any relationship at all with a women. they get angry and hateful which seals their doom.
yes, they should resist the urge to commit unconstructive behaviors. the fact is some of them won't.
really these people need to get past their traumas AND learn new skills; non-directive therapy alone doesn't work because these people need to develop entirely new software. I hate saying it, but people like Ross Jefferies have come the closest to identifying the needs of these people, but we badly need relationships skills training that's effective through the lifecycle of the relationship.
sexual harassers should be punished, but punishment doesn't get to the root of the problem; it's terrifyingly easy to be born into the wrong family and social context and to just not be equipped for the world of relationships and work -- yet that kind of family background is something you can't choose just like you can't choose to be black or gay.
this is gratuitous, but i want to thank you for taking the time to articulate your point. we need an alternative to viewing everything just in terms of one group of victims and one group of victimizers.
Maybe it was not a feeling of entitlement but rather a problem with dealing with rejection that caused the problem - like a nerd could hurt and hence find it unbearable to be around the desired woman. That would take some practice.
But that's very different from the situation which Tammy Camp found herself in, i.e. requested to have sex or leave the conferences. Being socially inept is one thing, being a discriminating douchebag quite another.
Honestly, I don't think we really know that. We only know Tammy's interpretation. I think there must be some background story at least? Or do conference organizer just go through the photos attached to applications and say "hey, she's hot, let's blackmail her for sex"?
I would change your statement to read "never chose to mature" rather than "never got a chance to mature."
If you spend your formative years not taking advantage of the opportunities that exist, I have trouble mustering sympathy. (And like I said elsewhere in this thread, I certainly did that until the middle of high school. It's not easy to break out of it, but the only one who can is you.)
Every single rejection from a girl in high school or a woman after that is a chance to mature. In fact, it's a nearly-spoon-fed opportunity to mature.
Anyone that doesn’t mature at least somewhat from such scenarios is actively choosing not to. Maybe not consciously, but they are making the decision to resent and blame, rather than regret and find out why they got rejected.
There is no why. Nerds think there should be an actionable reason, and that's part of the problem. It's just how she feels, and even she probably doesn't understand it. We accumulate years of damage from bad advice because better advice (rejections are too random to take personally, so forget your big doomed crushes, improve your odds where you can, and try everybody) is somewhat dehumanizing.
