I haven't read the article yet, so my apologies for what might be a dumb take.
> I Gave Myself a Month to Make One New Friend. How Hard Could That Be?
I'm subscribed to a subreddit that's about bringing people together, and posting events to attend with others. At least once a month we have someone post about just "getting together for deep chats", and I always sigh.
A lot of people are lonely, and want the depth of a long-term friendship without realizing that it's not a video game you can speed-run. You cannot any% a deep, meaningful relationship. It takes time and vulnerability, and you cannot really offer the latter in an authentic way if you don't have the former.
There are some techniques that help move things along faster, and of course there's lots of ways to do this wrong, but in the end, I'm not sure if you can make an actual friend in a month. You'll just have a good acquaintance you enjoy the company of, and if you both keep at it, eventually it'll become a friendship.
> I knew that I technically had friends, but none of them ever seemed to want to hang out. Even if the six-pack friend still lived in Brooklyn, I had a hunch that now that she has a toddler, her visits wouldn’t be as frequent or as spontaneous as they had been a decade ago. I couldn’t remember the last time I had gotten a text that said something like “what’s up tonight?”
When was the last time the author sent a text? Why is it on the friend with the toddler to initiate? The author knows she has a friend close by, a friend whose time is now limited - so make the effort, damn you, take the subway to Brooklyn and hang out at 2pm at the playground. Or hell, plenty of bars are perfectly happy to serve a beer to someone with a baby stroller while the baby takes a nap.
Does this person actually like this friend, or did she just like the things they did together?
as a person with a toddler, I would LOVE if more people wanted to hang out. having a young child is very tough if you already have a job, but when my friends join me for walks where I push my daughter around in a stroller, its great. Having a toddler does not make people want to be alone!
It gets exponentially worse because every parent is aware of how their kid can be difficult, and so you really start to have this inclination to not inflict them on your friends, which makes it worse and a cycle begins.
> we have someone post about just "getting together for deep chats"
Are you sure you're understanding this need correctly? From what you wrote it sounds less to me like they're looking for a deep meaningful relationship and more just that they literally want to talk about deeper things.
Some people just like talking about serious topics that you need to think and talk about to understand. That's more of a preference for a certain kind of conversation than a need for a meaningful relationship.
I have lots of deep meaningful relationships with people who don't like to talk about deep topics. I think they're different things. Just my two cents.
That's possible. It didn't strike me that that was the case at the time, but the next time it happens (we're about due), I'll read the post more closely.
It’s rather hard to move from acquaintance to friend. I have people that I’ve played board games with weekly for years, but I wouldn’t say we are friends. I would certainly never engage in “deep chats” with any of them.
> I Gave Myself a Month to Make One New Friend. How Hard Could That Be?
I'm subscribed to a subreddit that's about bringing people together, and posting events to attend with others. At least once a month we have someone post about just "getting together for deep chats", and I always sigh.
A lot of people are lonely, and want the depth of a long-term friendship without realizing that it's not a video game you can speed-run. You cannot any% a deep, meaningful relationship. It takes time and vulnerability, and you cannot really offer the latter in an authentic way if you don't have the former.
There are some techniques that help move things along faster, and of course there's lots of ways to do this wrong, but in the end, I'm not sure if you can make an actual friend in a month. You'll just have a good acquaintance you enjoy the company of, and if you both keep at it, eventually it'll become a friendship.