I messed up with life. I work in a niche and I feel like I can't catch up with progress. I earn fairly decent salary for where I live. If I lose this job, I won't have another one. I will be basically un-hireable. Currently, I am working for US client.

I understand research papers, I understand the code, but I can't replicate it in a week. It's very hard to replicate a paper even with source available. Then I read people praising blogs from someone who is barely getting started. It puts me in a situation where I question my whole existence. I do not know when and where I messed up. Am I just lazy? I am in front of a screen 12 hours a day. I am distracted. I have to work to meet my weekly quota. Focused work is 6-8 hours and remaining is unfocused work. It's very hard to get anything in life. Life feels so numb. AI is eating what I was skilled at. I started questioning if I ever learnt anything or just knew stuff.